Realize through real eyes

This is a very serious issue.  People are turned away at hospitals every day and they die on the streets because instead of being hooked on the drugs which helped to fun my campaign they are hooked on crack and they hook just to get their next fix.  Universal Health Care would fix this problem.  It will put the decision making in the government's hands and we will be able to decide who lives or dies, and we will decide which drugs to shove down your throat to cause more health problems.  Pharmaceutical companies have been giving potential candidates money for years.  It's only fair we return the favor and use your tax money to keep everyone alive and generate more disease to line the pockets of my generous benefactors.

There are too many who die or live on with serious medical conditions for a long time simply because they can not afford the cost of health care.  Even being able to afford health insurance doesn't always mean you can afford the parts your health insurance does not cover.

If the government truly cared about saving life and improving the quality of life in the US, this issue would be a high priority and we would already have it available to everyone.  Drugs are really expensive in some cases and many can not afford their medications.

On the flip side, there needs to be some serious study to the effects of drugs, the effect they have upon us.  The FDA always seems to approve drugs which years later are found to be bad for people.  Humans, in effect, are used as experiments for these drugs.  This is what I fear will happen more with Universal Health Care.  That it will be free, but it will mandatory that you received certain medications if you want it to continue to be free.  

Again, I see you are speaking of things you are not qualified to speak of.  Your arguments need to be discounted.  I am also a doctor and a very competent drug researcher in addition to holding my other 3 degrees and I can say with the utmost certainty that the FDA exists for people's safety.  I think it might be you, Mr. Dean, you and your ideas which might be bad for people.  

Damn hippies!

Welcome to the place I share

I     eat     too     much

pre-packaged, PrOcEsSeD,

and [ ready-made information ]

which hides, which lies,

finding underneath it all that I am me

and nothing changes

save the voices of perception.

Such simple and overused words

to describe something to be achieved,

to be developed...

but it is very clear

and staring at me,

very clear that it's already here

but buried under knowledge

and peoples' expectations.

of driving barefoot in the morning 

with the windows open and the air on my feet.  

It's like a reunion 

with something long forgotten... 

times had, spent in the summers with my junky jalopy of a car, 

bright orange and shining in the sun through all its dust and mud.  

I miss its smell, 

of everywhere it had been.  

All the hills and rivers and hard to reach places.  

All the fun with people and beautiful faces dancing across the upholstery memory... 

just like the memory on the soles of my feet which I used to walk barefoot across the rocks and dirt and water and leaves to feel closer to the places I love.  

I'm staring down at my shoes and I suddenly hate them.

Naked, excited and happy to be just as me I don't care who can see through these plastic smiles around the world ice cream people driving miles and so many miles in the heat of the summer to cool us off but I want to be hot! I want to make steam with myself, dancing along the water's edge in the rain boiling drops like hot metal instant and total evaporation! It waits for me outside It waits for me to use it with my sheer force of will and it is getting harder to breathe through all this water dancing in and out and inside my memories and flashbacks... back to times with love in a tent feeling the heat of summer's sweat and the smells surrounded and you were cool to the touch, something I've always loved so much.  I just stared at you sleeping thinking of our future children and how we would make them.  Sometimes, I just want to... but I can't, no, we are celibate but I am hot with my heat of love for you and in my mind I am not, no, in my mind we dance together and forget we don't love each other anymore, our bodies gently pressing over and on as we stare into our eyes and where they meet in surprise, where we gasp and breathe sharply.  We touch, we kiss, but what was there is now amiss, disappeared into a place where I don't know if you ever loved me or if you were just bored at the time.

this is where many of my friends disappeared without a trace lying down in the mud- abducted they told me abducted by little green people shining around pieces of their broken mirrors I can not see I can not see what it is I am any more and I have to ask if you see the same as you did before "do you see the same as you did before?" my eyes hurt they burn the butter churns students learn on and I still can't see the same as I did before I am broken parts my mirror is broken on the ground in tiny pieces of myself.

I pledge allegiance to no flag, especially not my own country's or that of any republic which stands under the control of godless corporations.  We are being divided to provide an illusion of being indivisible, to provide an illusion that we are fighting for liberty and justice for all- while liberty is being flushed down the toilet and justice is quickly becoming a myth of the past.  

This is my Declaration of Independence, dated the third day of July in the year two-thousand eight- but written long before in my mind.  I've spent a good deal of time waiting and hoping for change that never came despite my own protests and those of countless others.  It is now time to dissolve these political ties that have held me here.  I owe no allegiance to anything save this planet which allows us all to live.

Cropped a bit on the edges, but no Photoshopping.

small stretch of time,

about to start with another lover

to add to my growing collection.

Inside lies a vast recollection

where over time I quote looks

of my eyes(of beauty seen

in the shimmery sheen

of the moonlight reflecting back to me...

of fluid movements

dancing in that special way

where our eyes say

more than our mouths ever could...

of your body's sway,

of the cold of night and heat of day

together as one)

inside the space of my notebooks.

I decided to post this.  It is my first larger scale creative work, written at the time when I was using a pen name online(Cora Vardalos). It is still very much unfinished, but is basically a semi-autobiography.  Hope you enjoy.  

Chapter 1

Cora sat down in front of her laptop, beginning to type away, to bring you into her life as played out inside her mind. Her slender fingers scuttled along in rapid movement, becoming hypnotizing to her as she keyed these very words. I need a good place to start, thought Cora while she was still typing the last sentence. The little Cora inside of her sat down on a nice tuft of grey matter. Ah!, the little voice breathed a sigh of relief as it kicked back and reclined and watched the little pictures of memories floating by around her....

In the air the clouds were flying fast by as we look down through the trees where the rainy breeze was constant in the land of green and vibrant forests, past them to a clearing. Through the fortress of cold steel turrets and unused fuselages to a building in the center of this establishment where everyone wore garments of gleaming white and there were sounds of artificial breathing devices and limbs being cauterized and the person that did the laundry really hated her job. 

Scream with me now...SCREAM! as you fly through the air, past all the white coats and nametags, through the gift shop and the security guards, almost entering the body of ugly ass woman and finding the place where we can begin this story. Cora screamed through the tunnel all the way out, finding the light and making it wider for her to squeeze through. Several pairs of hands seized her and pulled her out the rest of the way, blinding her and she couldn't breathe. What the fu...cried Cora as she was simultaneously made to perform felatio on some bulbous sucky thing while her ass was smacked repeatedly. That nurse really enjoyed that part of her job and Cora could see the pleasure in her eyes. She was still crying and cold. Can someone get me a blanket, please! This is me as a baby and I'm cold..PLEASE GET...Cora was scooped up and handed to someone that was much more beautiful than that ugly ass woman we saw earlier. And some goofy-faced, dorky looking guy with a mustache was staring at her like he knew who she was, and she spent the night crying until she past out.  Then some stupid nurse(it looked like the same one from earlier) kept coming in and waking her up and shoving things up her ass. That nurse really liked her job. She stayed there for many years and sodomized many little babies....

Chapter 2

It was the start of a beautiful day and the sun was rising high into the sky. The birds were singing and the bees were out early this morning buzzing around and the squirrels chased eachother around the front lawn of a small house 2 states down from the last chapter. It was a bit more dry here, the rain came mostly in the winter. The little house was by a river that ran through a canyon where the Miwok used to fish and play and dance the night away. There sat little Cora, in a little chair pulled up to a little table eating out of a little bowl and drinking from a little cup. She couldn't talk yet in a way where people could understand her, but she had so many thoughts racing through her mind. She was all alone as her older sister was off to school and her little sister was not yet born. I wonder what everyone else thinks about but doesn't say, Cora pondered to herself, using a spoon that was engraved with "Cora Vardalos made Cheerios #1" to poke around in her food as if it was her mind as well. She was thinking of a grand design that could only be made by sticking together pieces of little wet round oat circles...

Her mind drifted off and her hands moved as the front door opened and one of her mom's friends arrived and was invited inside. They talked near the front door for a while...."Yeah, my husband's off in Korea right now. He won't be back for a few more months," her mom said. They both entered the room where Cora's mind had created a wonderful little castle of wet cheerios on the carpet. Her mom just stared at her and then the castle, then just shrugged it off, moved it to the table, and let it dry there....

Chapter 3

The little Cora inside the mind of Cora is starting to think that this is getting a bit linear of a story and predictable, so right now she is going through some more memories, looking for some good ones that won't put you to sleep as you read this lengthy bit of text, made all the more rambling as Cora stalls using the keys on the keyboard to buy as much time as she can for the little her inside herself that's reclining in her brain choosing another place in time to take us....

When was the first time you learned any Spanish? What word was it?(If this is Carlos reading, when was the first time you learned any English?) Think about that for a bit as you're slammed to the ground, elbowed by some husky voiced chola(it sounds racist, but she was, really) in junior high while playing basketball at a local playground near where you live, except where you live is in Fontana, which some call the armpit of Los Angeles. I don't remember where I heard that...

but Cora was slammed to the ground at the time when she was about 12 years old playing basketball with some of the local girls. "Get up guera!", the chola taunted her as she lay on the ground with some really bad road rash on her right hand from the fall. She arose quickly, thinking, I don't know what that means but I'm sure it was a very bad thing to call me. Inside of her, a storm was raging as ghost ships of ancient times floated through the mist, the air crackling with the threat of lightning from the gods, the heros of old storming off the ships . They stopped behind her. The gods peered down from their palace in the sky. She was now dressed for battle, atop a green horse with red glowing eyes and steaming nostrils. She raised her hand slowly, towering above the little girl that had pushed her. The horse she rode wanted so badly to just trample her and end it all right there. In her mind, villages were burning, her horse became brown, the green of it's skin and hair stained with the blood of her enemies. Her eyes glittered with fiery intensity as she stared down through the person that tried to push her around. The basketball was in Cora's hand now. "So this is how you like to play basketball here...You will wish you hadn't done that. I do not let people push me around like that and you will pay!", screamed Cora as her hand came down and the battle began. Her warriors and protectors formed a circle around this little girl and Cora and Cora The Green stepped down off her horse, laid down her weapons and removed her armor. They had served their purpose. She did not need them for what she was about to do. The din of battle surrounded them...

About an hour later, weary after "teaching them how to play basketball"... you know, slamming girls into fences, 'accidentally' stepping on them after they "tripped", she decided it was time to head home. She told her parents about everything, but she didn't tell them that most of the blood wasn't hers. Her dad thought that although it was good that she stuck up for herself, he would have to teach her better ways of channeling her anger. She learned much from him, and came to know that when she was little, her dad used to throw hammers around the house just when his hair wouldn't comb the way he wanted it to. He had learned ways of turning his anger into energy and motivation that he can use to do other things. And she asked her dad what guera meant, and he in turn asked a co-worker, who in turn told him it basically meant white girl. Cora laughed, for she was angered over what she in fact was. But she felt no regret for the pain she caused....

Chapter 4

OK, I know, she had some serious anger management issues. 12 years old, beating up some cholas, not sorry at all for it. Let's jump ahead now to a place where she was a bit more vulnerable. Are you ready, little Cora?...

We now zoom forward, to one of the 2 times Cora lived in Georgia. It was now high school for her, having just finished graduating in another state, moving to where she was now. Fresh start. No preconceptions about her, no reputation to uphold. She could start over as whoever she wanted. People saw her, that she was new. And would make fun of her voice, because she had that stereotypical California accent that people see in movies.

They would see her in the hallways, "Dude! Gnarly! Tubular!" they would say as she walked by. It got pretty annoying, actually. Had she still been 12....but she was able to keep her army in control now.

But she had learned much of controlling her anger, and by this point in time, most of her anger came from the teachers she had. She lived in a world of you can't do that and because it's in the textbook, it must be true and this was written by some old dead guy many years ago, so he is a literary genius that should not be questioned. She longed so badly to find someone. Someone that she could talk to about the things she really wanted. She would walk down the halls and listen in on people's conversations, "Did you hear about Bob and Sarah? What happened last night? What color is that lipstick?" A little further down the halls..."Man, coach has got us really working hard for that game on Friday. "...then she kept walking further down and her ears perked up and she could not believe what she had heard. Turned out that was her own thought and she was still alone...

She felt so out of place, like everyone was sleeping around her, so sucked into things that she feels do not matter. She was so thankful she had her sisters at home to talk to about how she felt. Her older sister really understood and felt the same way, but for a different reason(another story in itself). 

Chapter 5

A little bit later in high school, now in her Senior year, but in another state. She was back in California, in a little town near Yosemite. The year had started. Another fresh start, another chance to make a new name for herself. This year will be different. This year I will find someone I can talk to about the things I really want to, thought Cora as she arrived at school on her first day. She had a plan. She would visit with everyone within the school, surely, there must be someone else out there that thinks like me, thought Cora.

She started her quest. All her tough classes were out of the way, so she had lots of time to talk and to visit with everyone. She was still a loner of sorts, but she was a loner on a mission. She would find someone. Then, after having talked to everyone, she found out she was wrong(it was a small school really), and felt so defeated. But then, the next week, a foreign exchange student arrived from Germany. She watched him carefully, scared to approach him because she felt this was her last chance. They had a few classes together(check) and he seemed to be able to question what he saw(check), he had a lot of his own ideas(check), and he wasn't afraid to share his thoughts with others(check). After a couple weeks, once everyone left him alone and his 'newness' had worn off, she approached him. 

"Hi, do you have some time to talk? Would you like to go grab some lunch with me today?", asked Cora while the little Cora inside her crossed her fingers and cussed her out. Cora was and still is horrible at introductions. She just dives right in. No "nice to meet you" or "what's your name?" or "do you have a boyfriend?" Not with Cora, always straight to the point... He looked at her for a while, seemed to be taken a bit off guard, then smiled and said yes. 

She later found out his name was Paul, he moved from Berlin, and they had very much in common in their ways of thinking. She was so relieved to at last find someone her age that she could talk to about things she really wanted to, to share her deepest thoughts with. That army inside her realized that the anger within her had subsided. They packed up all their gear, extinguished their fires, and sailed back across the ocean which they came from. The gods up high, their lightning long since dissipated from unuse, flew away in their clouds, knowing that they might not get another chance at destroying mortal beings. They would still be called on by Cora, to do other things....

Chapter 6

I hope that you had a fun ride on the last installment. Now that you're back with us, all of us Coras, we will take you a bit deeper this time. We will keep going further back and forth using our broom to sweep up all the dirt that's settled in her mind, try to get it all in one wastebasket out of the way, stuff it into her dumpster that she likes to dive into occasionally to rediscover what she once thought was trash. Sometimes old thoughts are like aluminum cans, you save up enough of them and then they are worth something. Little Cora really likes to dumpster dive in that dumpster out in the back of her head. Did you find it yet, Cora? No?...ahem...well to buy her some more time, I'll just keep on rambling like I love to do so much and just see if anything good comes out of it. Right now, Cora hates me because she is having to type down all this stuff I'm giving her to dictate. She is wondering if I will ever shut up...what's that you have found there, little Cora? Oh wait...don't open that! Little Cora! Don't open that!...

The darkness is creeping in now. This is a thing that we must always fight with. That little voice inside your mind that is too logical, that keeps making you doubt what you are doing and what you are capable of. It sets limits, darkens the sky of your mind and makes it very hard to see things that you are good at. It's coming this way now, be careful, don't listen to it, little Cora! It's a part of you, but you are stronger and you can beat it...don't listen!

The creature, darkening everything in its path, started creeping closer, hard to see but easy to hear..."nothing nothing nothing, you are nothing nothing nothing you can do nothing nothing nothing you have nothing nothing nothing you will do nothing nothing nothing BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING!" The creature roared its words of discouragement and doubt at little Cora, who searched frantically, panicking, tying to find something to use to ward off this dark creature who now was close enough to her to reveal it's open mouth, it's breath smelling of nothing and it's mouth an open hole leading to nowhere except the darkness that was nothing. Little Cora was being sucked inside this nothing. "Cora, you have to do something or this will never get done!", I screamed at her but my words were swallowed by this that was nothing.

Suddenly, little Cora had an idea. She ran fast and dove down off a cliff of her grey matter that hadn't yet been turned black by the intruder(who is just as much a part of us, but we try to deny, like the black sheep of the family). Cora plunged into this part of her brain and water started to rise to fill the last grey valley left in her brain. A small sea of greenish blue water against an ocean of darkness. The great nothing saw this as something in its eyes, and began to head over in that direction, determined to crush this new idea that had formed. It would not have a sea of something within it's ocean of nothing. 

A light began to shine within the little sea, so small at first in this space so large inside her brain. The light became brighter, blinding, and the sea began to bubble and boil as something began to break through its surface. It was Cora the Green, this time adorned with necklaces and bracelets of pearls and seashells. Her hair blew in the wind, the color of seaweed. She was the source of the wind. She was the source of this bright light. She shined even brighter and the wind blew harder around her as she sang out to the ocean below and around her, calling back both her army from before and the new friends she had made within the sea. She was determined, you could see it in her eyes, the sea within her eyes was raging. She stared through this nothingness before her, little clouds appeared above her (the gods were always looking for a chance at some good old-fashioned divine smiting). 

She smiled a smile towards the blackness, for she no longer feared it. She again, as before, raised her hand. This would be a much tougher fight than before, she thought, knowing she was taking on a part of herself and it was an even match that she had lost before as many times as she had won. But now she had the ocean, she was this ocean, and with that thought she pointed directly at this nothingness flying around her within inches of her face. She pointed directly at its core and opened her mouth to speak, "I do not fear you, for I am many...and you are one. You are part of me, and you have won before...but it is you that are nothing!" The hand of Cora the Green again came down as before. This time she would need the help of everyone behind her.

A slew of little black nothings erupted from the nothing, flying around and above the water as the big nothing was screaming, "NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING YOU CAN DO NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING!" The gods were finally able to use their lightning(which they enjoy using so much whenever possible). Scores of little black nothings exploded all around as their lightning sliced and scorched through the darkness. Cora rose above the water below, armed with nothing but her fists. As she flew higher towards the source of this nothingness, she became larger. The nothingness surrounded her and she stopped, knowing what she had to do to win this battle today. She reached deep inside herself and opened her mind and let the water flow to her from below. She closed her eyes and let it flow through her. Words began to form around the darkness, bright, colorful words painting little pictures of prose all around the blackness until she found what she was looking for. Two words to end all this and begin to create, 2 words, very powerful words. They shot out of her all around in every direction, the words streaking through the nothingness and swirling around her, getting larger and brighter, feeding off her own light. The gods turned around back towards her, blinded themselves by the light of her words. All the people and creatures of the sea below watched in awe as she sent the words down below to splash inside the ocean and bring the water across her blackened mind, flooding her whole brain with it's waters, the greenish blue overtaking and overpowering the blackness with tsunamis of salt water, spraying all over and not stopping until the nothingness was gone.

Little Cora came back down and looked through the dumpster for that little box she had opened. It was gone, but it would return. Ah, it's wonderful how sometimes the simplest things can inspire to defeat your self doubt. Two words, sometimes that's all it takes to get little Cora going....

Chapter 7

777-777-7777

...this was the number she was told she could use to call God, his direct line. However, as much as she believed her call would go through, all she ever got was busy signals or a message that his phone was disconnected. You would think if God was able to remember the number of hairs on everyone's head of everyone alive and he remembers the number of grains of sand in all the deserts and oceans throughout the world, he'd be able to remember a simple thing like paying his phone bill.

"OK, so I haven't seen God in this church I'm going to and he can't be reached by phone...", Cora thought to herself, as she had many times before while sitting in church listening to some man talking about things she didn't agree with or didn't think was important, trying to look like she was paying attention and resisting the urge to stand up and argue with what was being said. Her mind drifted away several times as the preacher ranted onward, louder and louder, as if he knew he was putting everyone to sleep. She caught little bits and pieces as she drifted in and out...BURN IN THE FIRES OF HELL...Cora saw something out of the corner of her eye, shining through the window. She looked through it, finally happy to have a distraction to keep her busy while she sat there... A PLACE RESERVED FOR YOU IN HEAVEN...Cora looked around to make sure no one was watching her, then she turned her head towards the window for a closer look. Her eyes searched through the trees blowing outside...The preacher had began to slam his hands down as he talked, his snarling, slurring words getting more intense as he struggled to keep everyone awake with his overused sermon...IF YOU WANT TO BE SAVED, DO NOT WAIT ANY LONGER, he invited as he had at least one hundred times before. She was sick of the same old scare tactics. The fires of hell could have her for all she cared. She knew the same old cue that was her time to escape...AS WE STAND AND SING...as everyone stood up and grabbed their song books and began to sing, Cora stood up and grabbed her bible and notebook and ran outside, desperately curious to see what was outside.

She opened the door and looked around in the direction of what she had seen. The wind was blowing in the trees, but oddly enough she could not feel it where she was. Cora walked a bit closer to this group of trees, the light seemed to be shining so much more brightly over there. She could no longer see what was shining there from before, but she knew it was there. She had to hurry as she felt whatever was there would not be for long. As she got to the trees, there was a sound of flapping as the birds flew away. Cora looked from tree to tree, searching forever, it seemed, until her older sister came out and saw her looking. Cora looked to her sister, and said, "Robin. You are much better at seeing the little things that others can't. Can you help me? I saw something over here during the end of the sermon. It was shining in the light, somewhere in all these trees."

Robin always had a good eye for finding things that were out of place, even within people(more on that in another story). Within about the space of 30 seconds, Robin had found it, and signaled Cora closer to the find. 

The two of them stared at what was on the ground before them, surprised to find a small chain, and they followed the chain with their eyes down to under Cora's foot. Cora stepped back a little to reveal at its end a golden cross, very worn and old, and they noticed it was upside down. Robin was a bit more superstitious about these kinds of things, and told Cora that they should leave it there and cover it up with dirt and leaves. But Cora knew what this meant to her. She wouldn't find God here, or in any organized religion. She had believed this before, but this was not just a mere coincidence to Cora. It marked the start of her quest to find God.

Chapter 8

I watch you again with the light that shines in your big brown eyes of wonder. So much inside you, the thoughts dancing around reveal your soul to me. So beautiful inside. Come closer so you can feel what's inside of me for you, waiting for that moment of intensity, when we are one and share our souls. There is no need to speak, for there is no word that will not ruin this moment, and no word to describe it. We were meant to be, in our short and passing lives, passing by as time passes by us. But in this timeless moment we can share a lifetime of ourselves. Through this connection we've found again but forever had

we sit holding nothing more than eachother's hands, needing nothing more because we understand who we are and where we've been, and hat's all we need to know. As we sit illuminated by the moon, the moon shines for us, but not as brightly as I shine for you. Not as brightly as you shine for me. Let's take our lights together and make one, our flames dancing together in the darkness around us. I can only see you now, because nothing else matters. My thoughts are for you only, nothing else seems important. This night I'll show my love for you. You will see me as no one has before. This night we give ourselves a moment of time when we can share something so beautiful.

Chapter 9

The sun was just starting to come out over the distant horizon and the birds began to fly everywhere from tree to tree, heralding in their chirpy way that the new day was beginning. The little disguntled squirrels came out slowly from where they were sleeping, groggily looking up at the birds, wishing that they could fly up there, but mostly wishing that they ate birds instead of acorns and nuts so they could sleep in a little bit more. The sun finally broke free from the mountains that tried to hold it down, and in this park full of trees and noisy, annoying little birds and angry squirrels, Cora realized that she no longer needed this flashlight that she was using to see in the darkness that was the very early morning. She stopped writing what she was working on and switched it off. Then, she began to readthrough her mound of papers, making sure that the points she was trying to make came through, checking the spelling, punctuation...making sure she didn't use too many of the same transitions and prepositions, and finally making sure that she wasn't rambling on in one of her one-sentence paragraphs like she is right now. She had to hurry, because the birds had eaten and were now full of ammunition and she was the only target in the park.

Cora stuffed all her notes and papers into her backpack and headed out to the computer lab at the college. She hoped she was not too early, and that it was open. It was now 7 o'clock, and she had two hours left to do what she needed to do. Cora, always the procrastinator, knew this paper had to be done by this morning for a long time but she kept putting it off and putting it off until she realized yesterday that it was due today. Cora had spent all last night researching in the library until they kicked her out and all night writing her paper by flashlight in the park. She kept hearing her English professor's voice in her head, over and over...I've never had anyone write a GOOD paper anout this topic before.  Cora was challenged openly in front of everyone by her teacher, after her teacher went from person to person asking them what their paper would be about. The challenge, and the fact that Cora wrote very well under pressure, enabled her to write this in such a short amount of time. It was good, it was looking really good, but Cora hoped it would be long enough.

She reached the door and it was locked, and she saw the sign that it wouldn't be open until 8 o'clock. So she spent the time sitting outside, leaning against the door, going over what she had written. Cora realized then that her writing was actually better when she was half awake, it was a bit scary. She read on, wondering if she had really written it. It had to be good, as it was her whole entire grade basically in this one paper. Everything else did not matter, all the times she was in class and all the other assignments that she had done. This was it!

Finally, the door was unlocked and she was let in by someone she didn't know or really care about. She ran to the nearest computer and started typing like crazy. Typing about Frank Zappa and Tipper Gore, Charlton Heston and the RIAA, about how there are parental advisory stickers on really meaningful, though provoking albums, and how there are not stickers on albums with songs about boys losing their virginity to prostitutes under the bridge...about Rage Against the Machine...so many other things and then it was done. She printed it out and ran to her instructors office, set it on her desk and walked away, very vey tired...but proud.

Chapter 10

Cora just started typing after being frustrated by not being able to choose what she wanted to write about next. It seemed that little Cora had gone to sleep early tonight, having worked hard all day helping Cora with all her poems and doodles, and was exhausted. But Cora kept writing through it by herself, because a blank page is scary...a blank white page eventually turns black and makes things hard to see that should come easy...this blank page was fading from white to a dark grey with the approaching storm of nothingness. Cora had to do something quick to wake up her mind. Two things that always did it for her. Two things that never failed, two things that were always there for her in her time of need...chips and salsa. 

She ran to the pantry and got out a fresh bag of tortilla chips. Then she opened the fridge and pulled out her favorite salsa....a homemade blend of salsa verde burning with the flavor of many habaneros, little orange flecks amongst all the green of the tomatillos and cilantro. The kind that burns so bad but is so tasty that you can't stop. Salsa so spicy that it burns away the fog around her mind and gives her brief glimpses into the future and gives her the power to see the unseen all around us. The green salsa in the blue bowl began to pulsate and swirl around her. New worlds and pathways became seen. She had discovered the reason why we are all here, what brought us all together, and how we can awake the minds of everyone around us who are sleeping. A plan had been set in motion since the time she was born, and she was the one to unite, to end all the suffering, to stop all the wars and make people happy at just being who they are. She felt a surge of something flooding up inside of her, starting deep inside her head and ending at her nose, about to explode...then she blew her nose and it was gone.

This is the beginning of my end, as I sit here and write this.  Maybe, if I could meet you there, maybe things would just about be alright.  As close as they could be, as close as I could be to you.  That space between us closes as your lips close over my mouth and we share the same breath, nothing else to get between us.  I know you as no one else can, and I see excitement swimming in your eyes upon knowing that you feel the same, you feel me where you used to be.  

I'm about to descend into madness by becoming one with those who don't notice.  Is it possible to live life like I am dead? If I could just simply ignore everything and become a mindless, soulless person empty of all the things I would normally use to define myself? I used to be better than this in my eyes, I used to be above it all and never feel such base emotions.  I think I am going crazy sometimes.  I laugh at nothing forever, on and on, just to laugh at all.  Just to feel like there is something funny, something to even bother with, something to take from life.  

Hodgepodge.  One of my favorites, the singing from the chaos around.  Music, vibrations everywhere that fill the space we can not see that lies between everything.  That's where the real truth lies, between everything unseen or perceived.  I would like to go there for just a few more days, to leave everything behind and come back with so much more.  Venting, searching, looking, thinking, showing, writing encompasses all this for me.  Maybe it's time to try not writing and see if I can stop.  Sometimes I don't think that is going to be an option.  

This was taken using the built-in camera of my laptop, positioned on the ground looking up at the ceiling fan while I look back down at the camera.  I used the "twirl" effect within the camera's stock software while taking the photo, then I tweaked the lighting and matted it in iPhoto.

For more twisted photo fun, go here:

I'll pass on time.

I don't need it to exist for me, no thank you.

What I need is an eternal moment

but it is gone and used up

like a dried up river bed...

like a thousand year stretch of time

gone in a single second.

Could I come by

and knock on your door

and ask you for one more,

should you have one to spare?

Come on in, take a seat.  We're about to start.  

Welcome, everyone! 

Thanks very much for coming to this impromptu, poorly organized, makeshift venue.  There's a lot we have in store for you, a diverse gathering of poets of ranging styles, impressive in their art.  I thought I would start off with a little diddie, before my words are swallowed by our special guests.  Consider me the opening act to the opening act to the opening act to the opening act......

This one I call "Think"  (ahem, hmmm, I am stalling because I'm nervous and the speed readers will have to wait for my voice to load):

Do you have a place where you write your thoughts down?

Do they work for you?

Do they dance?

Do you give them a chance

to find life outside your mind

and go out to find others of their kind?

Or do you rule them like a fascist nation,

with suppression?

Nothing can get out or come in

and all dissension

is either unpatriotic or a sin?

What would the world be

if we were all made to think?

Everything seems handed to me

as parts of truth go down the sink

and my mind is placed inside a noose

while forces try to kick the chair

from under me, using the news

to rob my brain of precious air.

But I know what's really there

as they try to feed my fear.

I understand and I dare 

to know what's not open and clear...

that I alone hold power and control

over what I can and can't do,

over what I choose to see,

over where I want to go to,

over everything involving me.

This next guest is a legendary writer and an amazing poet.  Unfortunately, we will have to hear and see him here posthumously.  But he is an inspirer of many still today.  Jack Kerouac!

Words are important, don't you think?  Our next guest seems to think so, very much so.  You might have heard her on the radio or somewhere singing and playing the piano, and I didn't know she did poetry until a couple days ago.  I witnessed her speaking this piece and was blown away.  I will say no more and let her take over for me.  Ladies and gentlemen, Alicia Keys! (And just to bring more excitement, we have Mos Def introducing her after I do, just because I have so much sway)

From here on out, consider this open mic.  If anyone has anything they want to share, come on up and do your thing.